Many caught living in secret sexual sin have sat in my office in tears. The critical question, asked by many a spouse, is “is this godly sorrow or worldly sorrow?” We know what Paul says, “Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and without regret, but worldly sorrow brings death” (2 Cor. 7:10). Notice, godly sorrow is towards God. Godly sorrow comes from recognizing that sin is first against His holiness, and only secondarily against a spouse or others. This is a huge contrast with worldly sorrow which is utterly focused on oneself, one’s situation; and in particular, the consequence of one’s behavior, whether financial, loss of health, loss of employment, or the loss of a marriage and spouse.
It is interesting how quickly committed a person is interested in change when they are caught, often leading to worldly sorrow. Worldly sorrow can lead to an effort to change one’s behavior. Change in behavior is rarely a simple process. Behavioral change usually involves a substantial commitment of time, effort, and emotion. It looks good and feels good on the surface as one deludes themselves with a counterfeit repentance that includes a sense of pride at what one has accomplished. Recidivism is common. The effort to change can often fail when the crisis and need to change is over. Real change is more than a project or steps in program you complete. God our Father wants all His children to change as a lifelong process.
The core of real change is true repentance and therefore it is no coincidence that Christ’s first sermon, the first word, started with, “Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is at hand” (Matt. 4:17). He was preaching a “repentance that leads to life” (Acts 11:18). The Westminster Short Catechism 87 defines the repentance that leads to life as “saving grace, whereby a sinner, out of a true sense of his sin, and apprehension of the mercy of God in Christ, doth, with grief and hatred of his sin, turn from it unto God, with full purpose of, and endeavor after, new obedience.” True repentance isn’t our effort, it is a gift of God’s grace that understands that sin is first and foremost against God. David understood this (Psalm 51:3, 4), “For I know my transgressions, and my sin is ever before me. Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight, so that you may be justified in your words and blameless in your judgment.”
Real change is never fully satisfying because it is far from complete. Complete, full change is coming. We long for it. “Behold! I tell you a mystery. We shall not all sleep, but we shall be changed, in a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. For the trumpet will sound, and the dead will be raised imperishable, and we shall be changed” (1 Cor. 15:51, 52). We have set our sights beyond this present sinful world. “We are on our way to eternal perfection” (The Heidelberg Diary, Willem J. Ouweneel).
Recommended Resource
As with many topics, going to a puritan writer will give you a deeper understanding of the truth. This is no less the case than with the topic of repentance. I highly recommend The Doctrine of Repentance, by Thomas Watson (Banner of Truth Trust).