In our adult Bible study, we are currently studying the Beatitudes. As dedicated Christians, how often do we aspire to these character traits? I suspect, not often enough! In our culture, we tend to focus on survival-of-the- fittest mentality and independence, forgetting that the Beatitudes are a picture of a citizen of Christ’s Kingdom and the portrayal of the heart our King whom we are to emulate. “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am meek and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light” (Mathew 11:28-30).
As I think about it, the idea of being meek is not immediately appealing to me, because I assume that the meek personality trait suffers indignities without complaint, always aims to please others, and never asserts itself. Given that Jesus’ taught us to be meek, I started a deeper study of this character trait.
Biblical scholars say that the word “meek” is hard to define. It suggests gentleness. As a character trait, it is the opposite of arrogance, ambition, and envy. It is the gentle, humble, unassuming approach of someone who knows they are “poor in spirit” (Matt. 5:3), which is someone who knows that they need God’s grace and mercy. The meek know that they are the chief of sinners.
Think of our Savior, that while He was equal to God, and He was meek and humble. At the same time, I see that He could be bold, forceful, and confrontational. Knowing that about Him, I want to be more like Him. I want to not be fretful, grieving, grasping, but contented and thankful. Remember, it is contentment that makes life enjoyable, regardless of our circumstances. In meekness we are set free from anxiety and self-control.
“The mark of meekness is not the absence of assertiveness. It is the absence of self-assertion. Successful and forceful people must learn how to use their strength for others, not themselves. We wound people if we use our strength selfishly” (Daniel M. Doriani). Self-assertion can be hard to lay aside in relationship with others, including in marriage. The meek, being strong spiritually, learn to use their strength to help others, not just serve themselves.
A meek person does not minimize an offense just to ease the tension, but freely forgives the injury done to them. “He reckons that injuries are permitted to be done to him as trials of his grace, to see whether he can forgive them, and he does so, and does so right heartily” (Charles Spurgeon).
In counseling thousands of couples over a period of thirty years, one of the most common negative traits I have seen in marriages is a controlling spouse. More times than not, it was the wife who was controlling. The husband in those relationships, in holding back his thoughts and actions, was not being meek, but weak and passive. He had quickly learned from experience to keep his thoughts and ideas to himself. Finding meaningfulness and enjoyment in such a broken marriage is possible but will require both spouses to seek to be meek. Couples whose hearts are lowly, instead proud, will naturally act meekly toward each other. Meekness in marriage is where you honor your spouse as an image bearer, a follower of Christ, and love them despite imperfections. For the husband it begins with “loving your wife as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25). For the wife, her heart responds in respect to that style of leadership “. . . with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious” (1 Peter 3:4).
For either, man or woman, meekness is essentially an attitude or quality of heart whereby a person is willing to accept and submit without resistance to the will and desire of someone else, but especially your spouse. “Marriage thrives when both parties live out their vows with meekness. Issues are confronted with just the right amount passion and grace” (Kevin R. Thompson).
Having a better understanding of meekness, what do we do now? Obviously, we need to be meek. The challenge: how does anyone get there? Certainly, not by our own efforts! It is simple, but so profound and we find it in Matthew 11:28: Jesus says, “Come to me . . .” Step One, go to Him. Step Two, do Step One! Christ is the one to do the work of transforming our hearts.
Blessed are those who are meek,
those who don’t grumble or complain
those who accept what God offers
who endure the good with the pain.
Blessed are those who are humble,
Those who live under God’s control
For they’ll inherit the earth right here
and the one for the eternal soul!
Deborah Ann Belka