Lot’s wife had the one of the best spiritual opportunities and powerful experiences of her day. Her uncle by marriage was Abraham, a godly man whom God used to rescue her when she was taken hostage. She was married to a godly man. She had the experience of seeing angels who came to rescue her from the wrath of God. Yet in the end she died without regret for her attitude. She lived for what she wanted in life, not God’s will. She never understood what it meant to “set your mind on things that are above, not on earthy things” (Col. 3:2). I would suggest that there are many people in the Church today just like Lot’s wife.

Lot’s wife was not a murderer or an adulteress, which when the Law of God was eventually given to Moses, required the death penalty. Her one sin is a disturbingly simple act; she “looked back.” The looking was nothing in and of itself. In reality, it revealed the condition of a heart secretly enamored with the world. The question we must carefully ask ourselves: “What is in my heart when it comes to worldliness?”

We see the progression so often as a child grows into adulthood. They start out faithfully saying their nightly prayers. As a teenager they are active in the youth group, memorizing scripture and going on missions trips. Early indications of a potential problem are innocent indulgences: heavily involved in sports, video games, texting their friends and interest in the opposite sex. In adulthood, their spirituality is lite. Their passions become a good education, a successful career, a fulfilling marriage, more money, more rewards, etc. Is there a bigger problem below the surface? On the one hand their faithful church attendance looks like they are walking away from sin as Lot’s wife walked away from Sodom. Notice carefully those around you, and you may see that they have looked back. We must also look at ourselves. “Examine yourselves, to see whether you are in the faith. Test yourselves . . .” (2 Cor. 13:5). You can be alive one moment, a flesh and blood breathing human being, and instantly become a “pillar of salt.” The image is a hopeless, worthless state; the reality is lost in hell. Suddenly there is no opportunity to repent. Don’t believe what others say, “God is too merciful to punish anyone eternally.” Jesus says, “Remember Lot’s wife.” “Repent or perish” (Luke 13:3, 5).

Paul was driven to tears over the people he knew that “walk as enemies of the cross of Christ” (Phil. 3:18). He describes them as having “minds set on earthly things” (vs. 19). No one in their right mind would choose to be an enemy of the cross of Christ. The choice is more benign; a heart, a mind, and then more than a look, but a life set on earthly things. We must save ourselves from the great delusion of a spiritual life that fails to go far enough and is always seeking to find its self among the dead things of the world.

Likely Paul was remembering Lot’s wife when he said, “The appointed time has grown very short. From now on, let those who have wives live as though they had none, and those who mourn as though they were not mourning, and those who rejoice as though they were not rejoicing, and those who buy as though they had no goods, and those who deal with the world as though they had no dealings with it. For the present form of this world is passing away” (1 Cor. 7:29-31). The scriptures consistently instruct us to always live each day believing that Christ’s can come at any unforeseen moment. We must prioritize human relationships, material possessions, and worldly dealings.

John warns us of being devoted to a system that is opposed to God. “Do not love the world or the things in the world. If any one loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world, the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and the pride of possessions, is not from the Father but is from the world. And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever” (1 John 2:15-17).

What does it look like when the will of God is first, not television, not the Internet, not your iPod, not your hobbies, not your finances, or not your manner of dress? Do we even know? Any discussion of these and other issues begins with the heart, not legalistic restrictions and enforced rules. Getting to the heart of the matter is challenging, but this is where is begins. Can others around you tell you apart from your unconverted neighbors or coworkers? If there is little or no difference, maybe you have already looked back. Jesus’ warning is an expression of His mercy, designed to protect us. Let’s remember Lot’s wife!

The Bible holds the office of elder in high esteem. Whoever desires to be a pastor has set his heart on a noble task because it involves the oversight of God’s people through ruling and teaching. To do the job requires not only knowledge and wisdom, but also a well-guarded heart, for danger lurks in the elevated pedestal of recognition. It is here that sexual sin is most subtle and appears eminently reasonable.

Pastor Tom is a typical example. He was a pastor for more than 25 years when he began an affair with his secretary. He told me in counseling that while sexually involved with another woman he could still preach against adultery, counsel others to stop an affair, and then tell himself that God didn’t care if he was unfaithful to his wife because the church was growing. Such thinking is unreasonable, arrogant, and just plain foolish. Yet this story points to an occupational hazard for everyone who holds the office of pastor.

Why is such a high office so prone to sexual sin and therefore so dangerous?

It is true that sexual sin is pandemic in the culture, but the greatest danger of entering into temptation is within the four walls of the church building. With more than 50% of the congregation struggling with cybersex and new studies indicating that it is increasingly a female problem, the danger is real. On any given Sunday, how many sitting in the pew are truly spiritually and sexually mature? How many men and women routinely engage in heart adultery towards the opposite sex; even towards the man in the pulpit?

Some years ago a woman came to Colorado to see me for counseling. She shared her little secret about how she enjoyed visiting with her pastor because he always gave her a hug. She went on to explain that she went home and sexually fantasized about him and comforted herself. As I ended a rather painful counseling session, she asked me for a hug. If I had been ignorant of her sinful pattern I might have thought it was merely a caring gesture. I gently explained why a hug would never be a part of our counseling. Pastors need to think of Christian fellowship as an unseen danger. In looking with lustful intent, some have already committed adultery with the pastor during the worship service.

So we must take careful heed, for the pulpit offers neither shield nor immunity from any form of sexual sin. In fact, I think that most preachers are more vulnerable than their parishioners. Pastors are constantly bombarded with sexual temptations, yet we prefer to ignore the danger signs.

Ralph was a young pastor, preaching three services each Sunday morning in a church that had grown from a dozen to thousands. In his overwork he justified

neglecting his wife for the work of God, and continuing his life-long struggle with pornography. It started at age 11, looking at his Dad’s secret stash of porn magazines. Now it regularly involved looking at sexual images on his laptop and iPhone. Eventually this lead to sexual chats and then a sexual liaison with a woman across town. Today, fewer affairs start in the counseling office.

Rather, they begin online, where physical and emotional relationships easily develop. The tragedy is that such dalliances are avoidable.

In decades of counseling hundreds of pastors dealing with the fallout of unfaithfulness, I have learned a lot about sexual sin, but one thing stands out in my mind: In ministry, unfaithfulness is an occupational hazard. If a pastor understands this hazard he will be better prepared to avoid disaster.

First, each man called to ministry must fully understand the occupational hazards related to internal corruption. The root problem is not your family of origin, but original sin. Spiritual and sexual maturity requires that we “put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry” (Colossians 3:5, italics added). Internet filters, avoiding counseling a woman alone, and taking your wife on trips out of town are helpful but they don’t address the reality of sin. If we only set boundaries we are only looking at the problem through the eyes of reason. Sexual temptation always makes one’s thinking unpredictable, uncontrollable and irrational because it comes out of the heart, not just from the object of lust. If the life of God indwelling you does not rule the heart, the sin within will kill the life of God in you, while maintaining a public image of spiritual maturity. While it is the pastor’s duty to help others mortify the power of indwelling sin, it is the failure to do so in one’s own heart that creates the greatest danger to the servant of God. Lose this battle, and you could lose the war within.

Second, each man called to ministry must fully understand the occupational hazard as it relates to the pedestal. The more public your ministry and the more esteemed your preaching, the more dangerous and effective the schemes of our enemy. There are two natural elements that are accentuated in public ministry. First is arrogance in finding satisfaction in self rather than the glory of God. This is a deadly poison. It will ultimately kill your ministry and your life. Right along with arrogance comes natural abilities, gifts and accomplishments that we allow to feed the soul more than the Word of God. Both of these elements are a setup to engage in risky thoughts and behaviors, believing all the time that you can get away with it. How in the world did Ted Haggard think he could conceal his identity from a male prostitute?

Third, each man called to ministry must fully understand the occupational hazard as it relates to relationships. The pulpit is a lonely place. Pastoring is more than a full-time job and the pastor’s wife and family are easily neglected. Ask yourself, “How do I handle the compliments from women?” A woman with a compliment and a need for attention is a force that doubles the temptation. Know this fact, that such an object immediately excites lust lying dormant in the heart. Don’t go near this door of opportunity; let your wife’s evaluation of you as a man be the only one that counts.

Given these hazards in ministry, we need to become actively aware of the issues, challenges, and have an effective prevention strategy to avoid being caught in this web of consuming desire and destruction. I strongly believe that to be sexually mature you must be spiritually mature, and to be spiritually mature you must be sexually mature. In other words, don’t separate your sexuality from your spirituality, nor your spirituality from your sexuality. Prevention is possible when we recognize that everything we do in ministry relationally and sexually must point to one purpose, the glory of God. Our entire motivation is to be set on fire for life by the driving desire for the glory of God. If ministry and relationships have that one purpose, then our masculine sexuality will serve that one purpose with all women, including our wives. It is not about me! It is about God! When we truly grasp that reality, ministry, relationships, and sex are in the service of God, for the glory of God. When pastors hear that calling, and maintain it, their lives can become imbued with a vision that guides them personally and in ministry.

“Grotesque schizophrenia” – That famous comment on American churches of the 1940’s came from Sayid Qt’b, a leading Muslim radical and one of Osama bin Laden’s favorite writers. He was not describing today’s churches, but the “white picket fence” congregations that he saw in Colorado long before the seismic sixties had left their mark. Twenty years later, Theodore Roszak described the Californian churches similarly as “privately engaging but publicly irrelevant,” a historian’s rendering of the schizophrenia the devout Muslim scorned, and which social scientists had long called the “privatization” of religion in the modern Western world.

Devoted followers of Christ can only wince. At the heart of our faith is an insistence on Christ’s lordship over all of life. Yet each of these observations describes something that is lethal to faith as well as shameful: a failure to integrate faith and life that is a betrayal of Jesus and a body-blow to the integrity and effectiveness of faith. Yet no enemy and no hostile philosophy have done this damage. We have done it to ourselves by conforming to the shape of the modern world and failing to be transformed.

This subtle but profound form of worldliness underscores how the modern world has done more damage to the church than all the persecutors in history – seducing us and shaping us even as we enjoy its blessings. And it needs to be taken seriously by all Christian pastors and leaders concerned with winning back the West today. Despite a band of voices speaking out on this issue over the last generation, and a large body of literature confirming it, a full realization of the scale and source of Christian captivity has still not sunk in for many.

Privatization, of course, is only one of many examples of the distortions of faith under the impact of the modern world. Earlier, when the first observers began to realize how much faith was changing under modern conditions, they concentrated on three major trends – secularization, privatization, and pluralization – and discussion has raged ever since on what has really happened and why. Some advocates of secularization, for example, used it as a cover for secularism, and their predictions that religion would disappear have proved monumentally wrong.

But we cannot dismiss the observation too lightly. While religion has not disappeared, it has been seriously distorted even where it is numerically strong – as in the United States. Secularization theory is accurate in seeing how faith in the modern world has virtually lost touch with the supernatural and become preoccupied almost completely with the saeculum, the “here and now” of this present age — which is why so many evangelicals are virtually atheists unawares or practicing atheists.

Today, under the conditions of the advanced modern world, the damage to religion is expressed somewhat differently – in describing the fateful shifts from community to individualism, from authority to preference, and from exclusiveness to syncretism. Take the second, for example. Instead of faith being decisive and authoritative, it has lost what Karl Barth called its “binding address.” The once-automatic link between belief and behavior has been eroded, and faith now operates as a preference. How else are we to explain a troubling fact? Never have evangelical statements of biblical authority and inerrancy been higher and clearer, yet never has evangelical behavior on the ground been more lax and corrupt. Indeed, in some areas evangelicals are approaching a meltdown of true Christian behavior.

This modern equivalent of what Luther called “the Babylonian captivity” of the church can be analyzed in various ways. But the implications are as important as the individual cases. Let me state four plainly.

First, the deepest problem of the Western church is the Western church. It is not the fact of external rivals, enemies, or traitors, however many or serious they may be in any of our societies. The religious right, among others, has been seriously off the mark on this point.

Second, the greatest captivity of the Western church is the shaping power of “modernity” – the entire spirit and system of the modern industrialized, globalized world. In other words, our challenge is not just intellectual but institutional, and the current vogue for concentrating on a more consistent Christian worldview is a massive case of missing the point. It is not alien worldviews that have done us in, and we will not regain strength solely by recovering a clear Christian worldview. Poor though our “thinking Christianly” is, it is our living, not our thinking that is the deepest problem.

Third, because of the nature of our Western problem, we cannot take refuge in the spectacular growth of the church in the global South. Real, utterly remarkable, and heartening though this growth is, the global South is almost entirely pre-modern. In other words, their challenge is still to come, and they are little help in tackling the core of ours. Our challenge, which will be one day theirs too, is to recover the lordship of Christ over the whole of life with such integrity and effectiveness that we become the first faith in the modern world not only to survive but prevail.

Fourth, it is utterly futile to attempt to escape the captivity of modernity by using only the keys offered us by modernity. “All truth is God’s truth,” and the Lord himself commanded the Israelites to “plunder the Egyptian gold,” though not to set up a Golden Calf. But never has it been more urgent to follow Hudson Taylor’s counsel to do “the Lord’s work in the Lord’s way,” and not in the world’s latest way — or as the church growth movement trumpeted, “on new grounds.” We have a problem in our reality, not just our image and perception, and our real need is reformation, not “re-branding.”

Let no one be beguiled by numerical growth, or political influence, or national power and prosperity. The modern world represents both the greatest opportunity and the greatest challenge the church has faced since the apostles. If ever there was a time to “let God be God” in reality and power, in our lives and not just our words, it is today. But that of course is the central cry of reformation as well as all true disciples.

© 2006 Os Guinness. All Rights Reserved. Reproduction of this article without permission is prohibited.

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My wife and I have been married for fifteen years. I am on staff at a local church. We are a Christian family; we love our three children, and my wife home schools.

About a year and a half ago my wife discovered my Internet pornography problem. It devastated her, but in the following months so much more came out— frequent masturbation, an emotional affair with a woman at church, lusting over women. I looked up a woman I once believed I would marry and re-established a relationship with her on the Internet. Obviously, for my already heartbroken wife, that added significantly to the hurt, the pain, and the uncertainty for our future.

Throughout all of our married life I’ve been a very selfish man. My wife has never had my heart and in our sexual relationship she often feels treated like an object. Given such a poor relational history there’s so little for my wife to look back to as a basis upon which begin to rebuild our marriage.

I’ve not been very supportive as we have begun to struggle through this mess. At times I’ve dragged my heels about going for counseling and asking for help, and then I continued to lie to her and denied there was a problem. I have tried in my foolishness to get her to see that it is her problem because what I’m doing is not a big deal and that she just needs to get over it. When we did go for counseling at her insistence, it was pretty much pointless. I have attended some popular seminars on sexual addiction and read some books, but little has changed.

Last night we agreed that I should move out. This morning, for some reason, she’s agreed to try again.

The Wife’s Perspective

We have never had a good marriage. He has treated me like a sex object, kept me out of his life, isn’t a spiritual leader in our home and is pretty self-centered. I caught him looking at Internet pornography about a year and a half ago. I was crushed, but had no idea of the depth of the problem. Several months later I realized he was lusting at women, even in church.

I can’t get straight answers to my questions, and he makes me feel like I don’t even have the right to ask them. On the other hand, not knowing everything he’s doing is killing me on the inside. He told me he didn’t have a problem, that all the problems in our sexual relationship and marriage were my fault. It’s so easy for him to defend his actions and not care about me. He has repeatedly looked me in the eye and lied to me about his pornography problem. He constantly masturbates, has tried to have an affair and even looked up his old high school girlfriend on the Internet. I’m scared to death that there is more. He tells me that he hasn’t had sexual relations with anyone since we married, but I’m not sure that I believe him. He tells me he loves me and is sorry. I don’t know what is true or untrue.
We tried counseling and he has attended a seminar for men who struggle with sexual addiction but nothing is working.

I hate the thought of divorcing, but I also can’t bear the thought of living like this any longer. One minute I’m doing okay, and the next minute I’m bawling my eyes out and trying to hide from the kids so they don’t ask what’s wrong.

¹ The above article is a true to life situation typical of hundreds of couples who have come to Stone Gate in the last sixteen years. It is a composite of a real situation and any resemblance to people living or dead is coincidental.

There is no biblical prohibition that refers specifically to masturbation, and because of that fact there are a number of Christian leaders who endorse the practice. They assume that the practice is morally neutral, neither right nor wrong, but simply allowed when better forms of sex are not available. It is frequently recommended as a technique in cases of sexual dysfunction. In any consideration of endorsing the behavior, take into account whether the person(s) have decided to abandon biblical authority and create a new approach to sexual morality based on feelings, intentions and satisfying lustful desires. Second, consider whether the practice conflicts with biblical thinking on sexual morality. Third, carefully consider God’s design for sex. Fourth, ask yourself if you are more interested in justifying a behavior that you are unwilling to give up than seeking the complete will of God for your life. Fifth, seriously consider the following scriptures:

• “But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provisions for the flesh, to gratify its desires” (Romans 13:14).
• “Do not be conformed to the world” but rather “be transformed by the renewal of your mind” (Romans 12:2)
• “. . . to abstain from the passions of the flesh” because they “wage war against your soul” (1 Peter 2:11).
• Belonging to Christ, we have “crucified the flesh with its passions and desires” (Galatians 5:24).

We are urged to “walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do” (Galatians 5:16-17).

In any discussion of masturbation, we must always consider God’s design for sex. God designed sex to be exclusive with another person of the opposite sex, a wife or husband. God designed sex to be profound, which masturbation is not; it is shallow. God made sex to be fruitful, but masturbation treats sex like a commodity rather than a capacity for producing life. God made sex to be selflessly God-centered, not self-centered and self-satisfying. God made sex to be complementary, joining a husband and wife in an expression of one flesh union.

Masturbation refers directly to the practice by which a person brings himself or herself to orgasm without anyone else involved. Male or female passions are aroused by the person themselves. It is non-relational, same-sex arousal, and same-sex fulfillment. Imagining a heterosexual relationship does not make the reality heterosexual. While not as serious a violation of God’s design as physical adultery, or prostitution or even sexual immodesty, it is still outside the biblical pattern and something to be avoided in order to be living consistently with the will of God and abstaining from sexual immorality (1 Thess. 4:3).

In summary, solitary self-stimulated sex should be considered wrong because:

• Sex is a part of a personal relationship with another person; masturbation is non-relational.
• Sex is to be exclusive; masturbation typically involves sexually impure thoughts.
• Sex is to be special and intimate; masturbation is frequent and shallow.
• Sex is to be fruitful (productive) in that man is designed to enter a woman and to create, both at a relational and reproductive level; masturbation treats sex like a commodity to be consumed.
• Sex is to take place within the context of selfless love; masturbation is designed to satisfy oneself.
• Sex is multi-dimensional; masturbation separates the physical from everything else.
• Sex is to be complementary; masturbation is non-unitive.

FACING THE TRUTH

Christians are in deep trouble and anyone who doubts that is spiritually asleep (1 Thessalonians 5:6). To understand the breadth and depth of this crisis in the church we must have the courage to look inside.

The problem is not the pornography on the Internet or the many opportunities for sexual sin in our sexually saturated culture. It is the potential for wickedness in our own hearts coupled with the secrecy of a our personal lives. The critical questions to ask are:
Is my personal life shaped by my beliefs, ideals, and traditions as it once was?

Is my faith effectively shaping my integrity as a Christian?

Do my beliefs make a difference in my private sexual life?

There is a loud silence that must be pierced before the real problem of sexual sin will be understood and dealt with. We can start on the surface with the all too common examples, but we must also go to the unseen depths of the human heart. In humility, ask the Spirit of God to search your mind, look behind your closed doors, and examine the recesses of your heart.

JOHN’S STORY OF DEDICATION AND DECEPTION

John (not his real name) was a 25-year veteran missionary. The call to serve God came early in Bible College. By his mid-twenties he and his wife Judy were living out their passion, their calling, and dream to serve God in Nicaragua. They planted churches and discipled converts. The work was demanding but rewarding.

Early in his fifth term on the mission field John developed a nurturing relationship with Gloria, a 19-year-old Nicaraguan. She was bright, mature for her age, and passionate about learning more about Jesus. Increasingly, John spent more time investing in the spiritual life of his young devotee. She spent hours in the couple’s home and became a close friend to Judy. Judy, however, was growing more and more concerned about her husband spending a disproportionate amount of time calling, emailing, and talking with such a young attractive female. Her suspicions, and eventual accusations, were quickly rebuffed with strong rebukes for her immaturity, her petty jealousy, and her lack of commitment to the ministry. When Judy found text messages on John’s cell phone that indicated the extent of his physical relationship with Gloria, she had the evidence to confront his sexual sin and seek the assistance of their field director.

When confronted, John admitted to a 5-year affair. With his reputation destroyed, his missionary career finished, his wife shattered, and the field director left to pick up the pieces, the couple returned home to seek counseling and spiritual restoration. Incredibly, in the middle of all this chaos, John continued his relationship with the young woman via email. He rationalized his behavior by saying that he needed to continue his ministry to her.

THE REAL ENEMY

How could a veteran missionary like John, called by God and anointed by the Spirit, become so disconnected from reality and from God and His Word? Why was he a prisoner of his own evil desires? For John and others, the symptom of the problem is a single relationship they find difficult to end. For many, it is hidden sexual fantasy and lust that may or may not lead to committing fornication or adultery.

Regardless of the behavior, its frequency, or duration, why is sexual sin a pervasive problem in the church? This question must be answered. But it is often asked during a crisis when sexual sin is involved. People merely shake their heads and respond in disbelief. Without an adequate explanation, people often move on or blame the devil for attacking Christians.
We must understand the real enemy. Ignorance is no longer an option. Closed minds and blind eyes salved by comfort of our public praise and worship are inexcusable. Paul’s exhortation to the Roman church applies today: “The hour has come for you to wake from sleep.” This is the day and hour that all of us must “cast off the works of darkness and put on the armor of light. Let us walk properly as in the daytime, not in orgies…not in sexual immorality and sensuality” (Romans 13:11-13).

THE REAL STORY

In my 28 years of counseling ministry to over 2000 Christians, I have helped many escape from sexual sin and restore their intimacy with God and their loved ones. Though the names and faces are now blurred, the real story has not changed. Sexual sin continues to destroy lives, marriages, ministries, careers and dishonor the Lord’s name.

The tales of lust, sexual immorality, prostitution, homosexuality, sexual misconduct, addiction to pornography, and adultery should not be repeated. But to ignore the details causes further denial and spiritually corrodes the church. All too often those in authority are guilty of getting rid of the problem and moving on but fail to address the difficult issues that exist in the ministry. This is not the time or place to flinch at the external horror of our fallen brother/sister, or fail to examine the content of our own hearts.

Some stories are uncommon, others outrageous, so we agree with Paul, “It is actually reported that there is sexual immorality among you, and of a kind that is not tolerated even among pagans.” (1 Corinthians 5:1).

The Stories Are All Too Common

• Driven by lust and sexual fantasy, a pastor and his wife engage in threesome sex with their 20-year-old nanny. The pastor rationalizes his behavior by citing the multiple wives of biblical characters.

• For years a young man corrupts his mind with sexual fantasies. He eventually has sexual relations with three underage girls and goes to prison.

• A father of three, married for 19 years, has a 17-year affair with his secretary, who is his wife’s best friend. For years they vowed to God and to each other to end the relationship before it destroyed everyone in their lives.

• A young wife leaves her husband and two children to work in a strip club.

• The pastor who is caught with Internet pornography on his office computer.

• The wife who feels lonely and abandoned finds comfort in the arms of another man.

A SPIRITUAL PROBLEM

The church is already in danger of minimization, rationalization, or even worse – covering over the real tragedy with standard therapeutic labels. We must not idolize psychology and accept without question every new method of change and technique. Divorce “on the grounds of sexual immorality “ to accommodate hard heartedness equates to brain surgery for a headache. Sexual sin is a spiritual problem, not a psychological problem. It is a church problem, and a problem the church needs to confront, just as it did in the first century. With the power of redemption and the work of the Holy Spirit we are to have a course of action that exemplifies our calling. The Gospel is for the sexually impure!

The real horror is not in the destructive capacity. The real problem is the condition of a person’s heart long before he was caught in sexual sin or committed sexual acts. Sexually immoral behavior should disturb us because of the condition of the heart and the life that is revealed by the act. Then, and only then, can the horror be turned to mourning (1 Corinthians 5:2; 2 Corinthians 12:21).

We must heed the words of Paul: “Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted” (Galatians 6:1). There will be no grief or gentleness until we see the deceitfulness of the human heart, the deceitfulness in our own hearts, and dig the log out of their own eyes. Then the Church can begin to adequately address the pervasive plague of sexual sin.

The imaginations of the heart

We cannot close our eyes to the biblical understanding of the heart and the wicked imaginations of their own hearts. Evil desires and evil behaviors are the supreme threat. They are spawned from the deep motivations of a heart that resists repentance and the will of God.

These deep motivations create a false reality of one’s own making that denies the reality of God. It is critical to understand that whatever a person thinks they know theologically and spiritually their mind is affected by the imaginations of his heart. The truth of righteousness is replaced by the lie of impurity; what is not God becomes a god. The unthinkable then becomes the possible, and even the doable. What other explanation is there for a teaching elder who teaches vehemently on the evils of sexual immorality and the biblical mandate to keep the marriage bed pure and then becomes involved in adultery or pornography (Hebrews 13:4)?

A life driven to sexual sin reflects thinking that has long been infected by sensual images and self-pleasure. These thoughts may have become so common that a person is hardly aware of them. Therefore, what one knows or thinks they know theologically and biblically is less important than the imaginations of his heart that eventually cause him to act out what he thinks.

A person may justify the imaginations of his heart by his past and present pain. One then finds relief through false intimacy on the Internet or they may actualize their imaginations through sexual encounters with needy women who are looking for a listening ear or a man seeking use a woman sexually. In the end, people are deceived into believing their relational needs will be met and their search for significance secured through these activities. Only a biblical paradigm of the heart will effectively alert them to these mortal dangers to his soul.

A person’s theology remains the same and they still consider themselves to be a secure Christian. Their conscious thinking, however, is now being shaped from imaginations deep within their heart, imaginations so long imbedded that they no longer are aware of them. While apparently committed to their covenant of marriage, their commitment to get something for themselves coupled with years of guiltless lust became a greater danger. Someone wanting attention creates the opportunity. The affair begins, but sin may not end before they have lured other women/men into physically intimate relationships.

Dangerous self-interest

Self-interest is a real personal danger. Sin predisposes people, even pastors, to be a law unto themselves where they do what they want regardless of the consequences. Instead of submitting to God as the final authority for their private lives, Christians often live their lives focused on themselves. They begin to worship God’s creation (themselves) rather than the Creator.

This heart attitude seems to free them to control life and obtain their desires. Christians are, then, no longer slaves of righteousness as they should be but are slaves to sin and slaves to themselves. Simply put, Christians become committed to what they believe to be in their best interest. This lessens their commitment to God and increases their commitment to themselves.

As soon as their loyalty to God changes, Christians are in danger of being more loyal to themselves. Before they know it, sexual temptation is knocking at their door. James wrote, “But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire” (James 1:14).
The enticement of sexual sin always involves the self-centeredness, self-inflation, and self-deception of one’s own desires. The root of sin develops primarily from one’s self-interest, not merely from shameful childhood experiences.

Tim grew up on the mission field. The typical missionary kid, he never felt like he belonged. He was not Japanese, but he thought and spoke like the Japanese. He had a U.S. passport, but when he was home on furlough, he did not fit in with his peers. Tim started to comfort himself with masturbation in boarding school. He eventually discovered pornography. Years later, as he studied to enter the ministry, he was still lonely. Wanting to be accepted, he yielded to the offer of oral sex in a massage parlor. He justified his actions by believing he would still be a virgin when he married Janet because he had not had sexual intercourse.

Self-centeredness

Many couples who need counseling to deal with sexual sin fit the following profile. The husband is outgoing, zealous, and liked by all who come in contact with him. But he begins to believe he is married to a lifeless woman. She has no life, no feelings, and no warmth. She has given everything and has done her duty to make her husband the greatest. He is on a pedestal and self-inflated, while living a double life of sexual sin. His silver tongue is a counterfeit for genuineness. His position in the church provides him a facade of spirituality, status, and power. He is a taker, not a giver or a steward of the gifts of God.

In the end, he is only committed to what he wants, and he gets it – including sexual gratification. Sexual pleasure is only the decoration, but its function provides a powerful sense of significance.

Deception

If sexual sin is a false intimacy – empty and vain – and a counterfeit for real intimacy, how do Spirit-filled Christians fall? Sexual sin is a great deception. Not only must a Christian lie to maintain a double life and a broken marriage covenant, but he is also deceived and “led astray from a sincere and pure devotion to Christ” (2 Corinthians 11:3).

When a Christian commits sexual sin and loses his spiritual virginity, he or she is deceived about true moral guilt and the need for forgiveness and repentance. Losing one’s virginity before marriage is serious, but losing one’s spiritual virginity before the return of Christ is much more dreadful.

The effects of sexual sin after our conversion (betrothal) are more difficult to understand: “I betrothed you to one husband, to present you as a pure virgin to Christ” (2 Corinthians 11:2). Paul’s words are full of meaning and emotion as he presents himself as a spiritual father. Perhaps he remembered the Law that allowed a husband who found his new wife was not a virgin to bring her back home to her father and stone her (Deuteronomy 22:20,21).

We are responsible for the spiritual purity of others (Philippians 2:4; Hebrews 3:12,13). Paul’s strong emotions come in the form of a godly jealousy and fear. As a spiritual leader, Paul was responsible for the flock and was committed to keeping it from drifting into sin. Likewise, each of us must preserve our own spiritual fidelity so we can protect others from being deceived and led astray into an insincere and impure devotion to Christ.

Deception may come from outside sources. But regardless of the source, deception affects the mind and influences what people think about God and themselves and easily leads them astray. To understand how we are deceived is one thing, but to guard against it is another. We often do not know when we are being deceived. That is the nature of deception. Deception attacks God-centered living through self-centered thinking and comes from within one’s own heart and mind.

Every sexual sin is deceitful and affects the mind so the temptation is often not recognized for what it truly is until after the sin is committed. Christians are capable of being “deceived and enslaved by all kinds of passions and pleasures” (Titus 3:3 NIV).

First, deceit hides what we should clearly understand and consider – our faithfulness to God and spouse. Second, deceit conceals the consequences of sexual sin so our minds are diverted from understanding its danger. Deceit prevents us from seeing the foolishness of sexual sin in the moment of temptation. When we examine the impact of sexual sin on truth, on the life of the church, and on the purity of our faith, we begin to understand how deception is one of the greatest challenges to the church today.

The nature and power of deception to attack a person’s faith combined with the subtlety of his self-centered heart is a lethal weapon against the soul. Jesus warned “many will turn away from the faith and will betray and hate each other, and many false prophets will appear and deceive many people. Because of the increase of wickedness, the love of most will grow cold (Matthew 24:10-12, NIV). The church will not disappear. However, Christian morals will become more insincere and impure, leaving the bride of Christ grossly deformed. The end of this age will come, but if we stand idly by we are recklessly ignoring the command of our Lord, “See that no one leads you astray (Matt. 24:4ff).

THE DANGER IS A REAL THREAT

While Christians may think that people generally take a dim view of sexual sin, this is no longer true. The Church has entered an age when Christians are saying, “Pornography is only for self-gratification, a kept woman for feeding my neglected emotional and physical needs. A wife is to manage the home and give an image of a Christian family.”

The biblical standards of human sexuality may not be easily accepted by new converts or maintained by Christian couples that have grown up in the church. The problem is not simply a weakened attitude toward sexual sin or the minimizing of sexual sin, but a failure to know the real enemy.

The consequences of sexual sin among Christians are worse than the consequences of war, disease, economic failure, or terrorism. What happens to people in this life is far less dreadful than what can happen to them in the life to come. Jesus said, “Do not fear those who kill the body, and after that have nothing more that they can do. But I will warn you whom to fear: fear him who, after he has killed, has authority to cast into hell. Yes, I tell you, fear him!” (Luke 12:4,5)

We must be trained to fight this war and know the enemy within. We cannot know another person’s heart, but deceitfulness keeps people from facing the truth of who they are inside. An examination of the darkness and ignorance in one’s heart should not be avoided. A look at indwelling sin is humiliating and takes courage and wisdom, but if believers have any interest in pleasing the Lord, knowing His will (Ephesians 5:10,17), and avoiding sinful behavior that grieves the Holy Spirit (Ephesians 4:30), they must accept this challenge.

ARROGANCE

Will Christians fail to follow biblical standards and live out a spirituality that continues to avoid the problem of sexual sin? Christians must address anything in their heart and in the hearts of others that gives false comfort and disconnects them from biblical warnings (Hebrews 13:4).

When Paul addressed sexual sin in Corinth, the problem was more than the existence of sexual sin and how word of the problem was spreading. The greater problem was that the church took no action to correct the sexual immorality. The church’s problem was arrogance (1 Corinthians 5:2). Arrogance blinds the heart and mind and prevents one from seeing his own spiritual condition or the spiritual condition of his brother or sister. The Corinthian brand of spirituality produces insensitivity to sin. This insensitivity to sin diminishes the consequences of sexual sin in the minds of those who have a life in the Spirit.

Like the Corinthians, Christians today cannot allow their spirituality to become self-sufficient instead of dependent on the finished work of Christ. One person said in counseling: “All my attempts to control my sexual sin failed. Prayer, fasting, recovery, and casting out demons didn’t work. I couldn’t break free. I had to face myself and admit to my lack of intimacy with God. I was substituting my thirst for God for other things. I simply did not know God. I had been deceived by a shallow desire to satisfy myself. Victory came when I sought to be consumed by the joy that is set before us.”

SEEK REALITY

The internal battle with the enemy will be difficult, but keeping the biblical commandment for purity will not be burdensome if God’s servants prefer His holiness above other things (1 John 5:3). In doing so, the believer’s goal is not to simply avoid sexual sin, but to partake of the divine nature. We can do this because “His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence, by which he has granted to us his precious and very great promises, so that through them you may become partakers of the divine nature, having escaped from the corruption that is in the world because of sinful desire” (2 Peter 1:3,4).

Temporary satisfaction will fully diminish when Christian respond to the radical call to pursue full satisfaction in God. It is a call to joy, freedom, and sacrificial faithfulness to God and others. It is always true. When a person seeks to find life through their own illusions of fulfillment, they will lose their lives. When a person seeks to lose his life in the reality of God’s glory, he will find life.

Harry W. Schaumburg, M.A., M.S., D.Min., LMFT, Larkspur, Colorado, is the Executive Director of Stone Gate Resources, a ministry pointing people away from sexual sin. For nearly thirty years, Dr. Schaumburg, has devoted himself to restoring sexual purity in lives, marriages and in the church. In addition to Brief Intensive Counseling, he offers Restoring Sexual Purity Seminars to local churches. He is the author of False Intimacy: Understanding the Struggle of Sexual Addiction, the first biblical book on the subject.

ENDNOTE

All rights reserved. Copyrighted 2007 Harry W. Schaumburg.

Scripture references are from the English Standard Version unless indicated otherwise. The Holy Bible, English Standard Version.™ Copyrighted 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a division of Good News Publishers.

“Cramped is the dwelling of my soul; do Thou expand it, that Thou mayest enter in. It is in ruins, restore Thou it.” –Confessions of St. Augustine

“Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me. Cast me not away from your presence, and take not your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit. Then I will teach transgressors your ways, and sinners will return to you.” Psalm 51:10-13

David was in trouble and he knew it. His adultery with Bathsheba, his causing her husband Uriah’s death in battle had been found out. Confronted by the prophet Nathan, he acknowledged his sin, and Psalm 51 records his cry of contrition.

What was it that allowed David, a man after God’s own heart, to get to such a wretched state that he would commit adultery and murder? The answer is clear: his heart was unclean, his spirit was not right, he had lost the joy of salvation, and his spirit was unwilling to be obedient to God.

It seems to me that that could be a description of many of us. Often we find ourselves bewildered at the state of our lives. We say we love God, and we truly mean it. We may even try to have meaningful devotional times with Him. But life feels chaotic; out of control. Dullness sets in, then discontentment. Sin. The turmoil sends us to find something that will salve the soul. We read the Bible, pray, read books, get counseling, try to forgive, seek restoration. When that doesn’t immediately give us what we want, we give up. There may be some relief for a while, but again and again the struggle emerges. All the effort, talking and praying seem pointless, and we come to the conclusion that we have to do something to resolve the chaos of our lives because God certainly isn’t! Anger gnaws at us, and “heartache crushes the spirit” (Proverbs 15:13).

Why is it that God stands still when we repeatedly ask Him to change our lives, even our hearts? A clue comes when we examine our response to His perceived ‘negligence.’ Do we clench our teeth and determine to take matters into our own hands? Do we get depressed and pull away from our spouse and God? When God fails to act in a way that seems right to us, our response comes either from a heart of trust or a heart that fearfully refuses to find its rest absolutely in God. Too often our determination is to call the shots. If our spouse fails us, we know exactly what should happen. When it should happen. How it should happen. We are unwilling to open ourselves to God’s will without any dictates or control. The acid test again? Anger. If anger arises within me and I swing into high-control gear, it’s an indication that I’m insisting on my own way, not God’s way. “Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit” means asking God to help me find joy in His salvation, not in changing my circumstances. Asking Him to uphold me with a willing spirit means I have laid down my ‘rights.’ I am no longer stubbornly insisting on what I think is right. Having a willing spirit is essential to a sustained trust in God that allows Him to work his purposes in and through us. A stubborn “I know what’s right, but I just don’t want to do it” or a quiet insistence that holds out for our own way equally blind us from seeing God’s gracious faithfulness and sovereignty.

In 2 Chronicles 28:9, David charges Solomon: “And you, my son Solomon, know the God of your father and serve him with a whole heart and with a willing mind, for the Lord searches all hearts and understands every plan and thought. If you seek him, he will be found by you, but if you forsake him, he will cast you off forever. Be careful now, for the Lord has chosen you to build a house for the sanctuary; be strong and do it.”

Wholehearted devotion and a willing mind and spirit go hand in hand. When we can’t find God, when discontentment and anxiety fill our hearts because we can’t see His activity in our lives, an honest look at our willingness to trust Him is in order. A willing, open spirit is one that cherishes redemption—“the joy of your salvation”—and is awed by God’s goodness. A willing spirit continually seeks after God Himself, and no other. A willing spirit allows us to embrace all the joys and difficulties of daily life knowing that God is involved in each detail. He gives us all we need not only to survive, but to find rest and peace because we are absolutely convinced that His sovereignty is good.

If we are willing, God will expand our meager bits of trust into a life of faith that cannot be dissuaded by circumstances, and we will be “filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls” 1 Peter 1:8. As we seek and are willing, God will continually make Himself known to us, and our lives will become a reflection of Him to others. David said, “Then I will teach transgressors your ways, and sinners will return to you.” And to Solomon he said, “Be careful now, for the Lord has chosen you to build a house for the sanctuary; be strong and do it.”

God’s work to restore our joy of salvation and to uphold us with a willing spirit goes far beyond our personal good. It is ultimately for the purpose of His glory. Through us, sinners are to return to Him; His Church is to be built! Just as He had work for David and Solomon, He has work for each of us. Let’s be strong—in Him—and do it!